Continuing Gifts

Page 2 of the Great Gift Giving article

3) Know what you want.
Disappointment is almost guaranteed if you expect others to read your mind or if you drag the past into the present.

Make peace with your past experience
We can't take back or get back the past. That thing you really wanted but did not get when you were younger may not even be available anymore and chances are good it wouldn't fit your current lifestyle anyway.

The disappointment you carry, however, is a gift that keeps on giving until you decide to let it go.

For example, I was separated from my mother for many years and, as an adult, whenever a gift box arrived from her, my stomach would clench. I hated that she spent her meager resources sending me trinkets and things I could not use. I had a terrible response to her 'not even caring to get to know me' before sending me 'rubbish'.

I've since some to understand that my mother's statement was not that she did not care about me. In fact, she felt crushing guilt but simply had no idea how to relate to me as grown person. She was doing the best she could for the 3 year old she gave up decades before.

Chances are pretty good that the people in your past who have made mistakes are not inherently evil. And even if their offenses are spectacular, you still have the option to choose how you respond now.

In deciding to let go of the past disappointments with my mother, I saved a few pieces that I like (including a pin I wear quite often) and gave the rest away so that others could enjoy them. I kept what I could feel good about and did good at the same time. Bonus!

Try to avoid a common pitfall that keeps people from changing their holiday and gift giving habits: The "If You Loved Me, You'd Know" desire for mind-reading (both from yourself and others).

If you'd like to read a new article I've written that explains what to do with this phenomenon, send me an email (put You'd Know in the subject line. You can leave the body blank) and I'll send you a copy. It is my gift to you.

If you don't care that much or if it seems like drudgery to make your holiday experience more joyful, perhaps it is time to clear out some things in your life to make way for what you really want.

The solution is to figure out why you feel the way you do, make new choices and practice them.

There is no time like the present! If you, or anyone you know, needs help making the shift from hard/scary/disappointing holidays to simple/fun/fulfilling, be in touch. I'd be honored to be of assistance.

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