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Dear Bj,
Happy day!
It's been a blustery-cold week in the Northeast.
Perfect for clearing clutter and looking forward to making
2004 great.
One loyal reader told me that last week's issue of
What's the Story? was so empowering that she
mounted (and finished) a project to clear up all her
papers. Bravo!
Another reader said that he promised not to promise
what he can't promise. I love it!
How about you? Did you start opening the mail over the rubbish
bin? I just love hearing, week to week, what you think. It
helps me to bring you more of what you really want.
This week we continue on the theme of what to do with
stuff you don't need, inside and out, along with new
Bj-ism cards and an update on the You Choose! class.
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The Unspeakable |
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Caution, heavy metaphor use ahead, but don't be
nervous. I promise it won't hurt.
Everybody has secrets, right?
Some of them are
harmless, like old family recipes for
saltimbucca.
Some of them are painful, like old family recipes
for self-doubt.
Some are just plain weird like, I prefer to eat
popcorn
with a spoon. (with a little pepper too, thanks)
By themselves, secrets cannot harm us any
more than
any other thought. It's how we choose to deal with them
that matters, and this is where I get concerned.
I'm going to bet that you are carrying around thoughts
and feelings that you don't need anymore. You don't
need them, just like you don't need the broken
stuff lying around your house.
So why hang on to them? Isn't there plenty of evidence
to support the benefits of 'coming clean'?
Let me give you an example. When I was on the
Great
Peace March (see About Bj for details), I had a job
that meant I was one of the people directly responsible
for keeping the 1400 Marchers moving forward. It was
the hardest job I've ever had, and the pressure to meet the
March's goal of 'walking every step' across America was
immense. This country wasn't really built for large
groups
walking and when we hit one particular state, the
authorities would not let us pass unless we hopped on
buses. Even worse, the police lied to me about why that
was necessary and I believed them. It was ugly and I
felt terrible.
In fact, I felt terrible for 10 solid years until, at a
March reunion, I broke down and apologized for forcing
the group to do something they did not want to do.
My secret was that I was weak.
Their response was, "Huh?"
They looked at me like I'd grown another
head; a dunderhead. Most Marchers
remembered the bus trip fondly, and no one harbored the seething resentment I imagined.
Why had I felt so bad, for so long? Because I thought I
was
stupid for allowing myself to be hoodwinked. I
took that self-directed anger and projected it on
innocent people who actually appreciated what I had
done. How lame is that?
So tell me, what useless pain are you dragging
around?
Are you ready to let it go?
Here are a few tips:
Letting go of a secret does not necessarily mean
shouting it from rooftops. Do not put yourself in
danger.
But be clear about what is really dangerous.
When I
decided to make a clean breast with the March, I was
terribly nervous about facing their anger and judgment.
And you see how that turned out! But even if they
had been 'mean', I could handle it, and so can
you.
Find a trusted advisor, with whom you can share
confidentially. Take me for instance. Then work
out a solid plan for eliminating your secret fear.
(If you
are in the DC area, you can also join the You Choose!
class-details below)
Recognize the trick to letting go of secrets
and pain. It's forgiveness. And as
you
saw from the example above, often, the one you
need to forgive first is yourself. Let me know if you
want to learn how to do that.
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Broken Things = Broken Thoughts |
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Ready to roll up your sleeves? This week's tip section is
about the broken, spotted, torn, worn out-say it with
me now-useless stuff you just don't need
anymore.
Last week we talked about paper and files, but this
week, I want you to survey your other storage
spaces, including closets,
cupboards, the floor, flat surfaces, behind furniture
under the bed, and the car. Collect everything that
meets any of the following criteria:
- It's busted or torn worse than the kind
of repair
you will make or pay for, it's stained beyond the reach
of modern dry cleaning science, or it's worn out to the
degree that you have to compensate for it's limitations
when using it. Anything that you have to jiggle, tape
together or worry about catching fire fits in this
category.
- It is not pleasing to the eye (read: it's just
plain ugly)
- It holds some negative connotation (read: it
came
from, or belonged to, someone you don't like)
- You haven't used it in more than 2 years (this gets
past the "I might need it next season" dodge)
- Someone else might make better use of
it
Okay, once you've collected the detritus of your life,
sort it into three categories:
Repair
It's a romantic idea to sit in front of the fire on a cold
winter's night and darn socks or hand-stitch separated
seams, but will you really do it? If not, make a strategic
alliance with a friend who sews, or take stuff to an
alterations place. If you aren't willing to do that, then
donate badly torn sweaters and jackets (and old rugs
too) to the local animal shelter. Fido and Fifi will
love the
warmth and comfort of the new bedding, no matter what
it looks like.
Replace
A good friend once mentioned that I have zero shoe
sense. She's right, I can't wear fashionable shoes and I
hate shoe shopping. As a result, I'm pretty hard on what
shoes I have. When they get sad looking, I replace them
with a virtual duplicate. I know what I like, and I stick
with it.
What that means for you is that giving an
object up doesn't mean you also give up the feelings of
comfort or enjoyment or utility that you attach to
it.
There is plenty of stuff in this world. You are
bound to like something else.
Release
You know how they say, "some things aren't meant to
be?" Well doesn't it follow that some things are
not meant
to be
in your space? If a thing is not right for you, it is
surely right for
someone
else. Let it go!
I live in an urban neighborhood where I am fascinated by
what I call the 'sidewalk economy'. People
leave
things
on the curb, and I don't
mean trash.
I've seen very nice pieces of furniture, shoes (already
broken-in!),
books and other "I got a new one, so you can have this'
kinds of
stuff. After a recent
yard sale, I put a couple of leftovers on the curb and,
within an hour, they'd all found good homes.
Bonus! I didn't
have to re-integrate them into my newly cleared out
home.
Of course, the sidewalk economy is not for everyone.
There are any number of service organizations willing to
take good stuff off your hands. Please be don't cast off
trash though. If you think it's trash, it is. That's what
dumps are for.
To recap:
Isn't it interesting how the same can be said of stained
neckties as can be for broken thoughts, painful secrets
and unhealthy relationships?
It you don't need it, like it or use it, give it up!
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New Bj-ism Cards Available for Posting |
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I've designed some nifty little 3 by 5 cards featuring four
of my favorite Bj-isms, along with two special offers.
They are suitable for framing. Okay, not really. But they
are suitable for posting on bulletin boards in
your employee lounge, at the coffee house or at your
next group meeting.
And since my services include e-therapy and phone
coaching, thes cards fit the decor anywhere.
If you've got a spot, I'll be happy to send you a few. And
whomever you give them to (including yourself) will enjoy
redeeming the 50 minutes for $50 dollar deal, or 15%
off your first service package!
Send me your email address and I'll snailmail them to you
right away. And thanks!
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You Choose! Class is Profound Fun |
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The first night of You Choose! 5 Powerful Strategies
for Reducing Fear and Increasing Happiness was a
huge success. We laughed and learned a
lot. Thanks to everyone for their participation and
humor. We covered the first of the 3 Secrets
about Secrets and will go into greater depth next
Tuesday, the 19th.
Last time, the room was packed, so next week,
we are getting a bigger space. Invite your friends, there
will be plenty of room.
If you could not make the first night, never fear,
it's not too late. We'll do a recap to catch
you up.
Email me if
you'd like to sign up. Or just show up at Unity of
Washington DC, 7th and A Streets NE. 6:30-8:30pm.
See the direction
Looking forward to seeing you there!
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Refer Me! |
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If you're thinking, "I know someone who could really use
Bj!" please let them know about www.bjcounsels.com
and my services.
It's quick and easy.
Click How to refer Bj below and you will be taken
to my
referral page that has all the information you need, plus,
a handy, downloadable tipsheet that features more
detailed information about the people and issues I like to
work with best.
Thank you very, very much.
How to refer Bj... »
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See You Next Week |
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Let go of one thing you don't need
this week. Whether it is a secret or a tie, make way for
more of what you really want. Warmly,
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